The Point of Realization, which can also be referred to as The Freakout

So a couple of weeks ago I had a breakdown...okay in all honesty it was more of a total meltdown. My boyfriend and I were lazying about and he made an off hand comment about my birthday this year. I will be turning 28 in June. Twenty-eight. Out of no where and seemingly all at once I was pelted with so many feelings that I was unable to do anything but curl into the fetal position and cry my eyes out like a new born. Which of course freaked the hell out of my very patient and loving boyfriend who always hates to see me hurting. But it had not dawned on me until that very moment,  stealing away my breath and my wits, this year I will be two years to thirty.

Now I know a lot of you out there are probably thinking, Why is that an issue? Stop overreacting, its just a number. But perhaps there are a few of you who might be in the same position as I am or at least understand where I'm coming from. Let me begin by saying all my life all I have ever dreamed of becoming was a wife, a mother, and a keeper of my house. I know, how very 50's housewife of me. Regardless that has always been the end note. I had some odd notion that I would have it all figured out by 25. My life, my career. That I would have found the one and started my very own family. But 25 came and went, as did 26 and soon 27 will be gone as well. With social media being what it is today it is all to easy to see which of my peers are already married, or with children, or holding their dream job. Who is traveling, or owning their own homes, who is happy...or at least seemingly happy.

And isn't that the issue. 

In this day and age it's far too simple to compare yourself with those around you and find yourself, or your life lacking. Its not hard to feel less then in this world of people posting every blissful moment of their lives. Where everyone out in the world seems so much more put together then yourself. It is far too effortless to find yourself sliding into a dark pit of depression. That is the moment I found myself in during my meltdown. My life, at that moment, unemployed, living at home, with not many friends and a rather inactive social life seemed like a total letdown. Like my life at that moment just seemed disappointing. 

After quite some time swimming in that pit, my head was throbbing, my eyes were red. I had stopped shaking, looked over at my boyfriend and apologized for my meltdown. He told me that it was unnecessary, that he wished he could change things for me and make me happier, which he does effortlessly on a usual basis. He reminded me of everything in life that I have going for me. He told me jokes and made me laugh. And I realized, maybe the road to thirty isn't going to be as horrible as I fear it will be. So here I am, two years to thirty, and my plan is to write this until I hit that birthday. Positive moments, negative moments and everything in between.