A Farewell Tune

Today marks the final day of this blog and this is the final entry. I will be starting a new blog, because I want to mark a new section of my life. So I want to leave this blog on a high note. My wedding was perfectly imperfect. It was everything I could ask and more. The party was great and I was so happy to share it with all who came. It was so very us, which is the best way I could describe it.

 

It rained so I didn't get the outdoor ceremony I desired but I wasn't too upset about it. I was happy to be marrying my best friend. We didn't drink much, didn't eat much, and I had bugs in my dress from the site where we took the formal pictures. We had an hour to kill before the ceremony because we had to rush the formal photos due to the weather.

 

My bustle was such a bitch and there were so many mishaps.

 

But honestly even with everything, every mistake, every forgotten thing, I couldn't have asked for a better day.

 

I was so very happy. And I am so glad to finally make our life and our home.

 

So farewell my friends. I hope you enjoyed all the drama and wonder over these past 2 years. Until next time.

 

 

Tomorrow I'll be 30...

Finally the dreaded day is upon us. All the craziness of the past two years and all the posts have led up to this day. Tomorrow I will be 30 and honestly? I'm not dreading it at all. I'm not really looking forward to it either because well, it pales in comparison to all the wedding stuff I still have going on, but I'm not not excited about it. And that my friends is a complete 180.


I will continue to write in here up until after my wedding and then I'll shut this down and start anew.


So many adventures ahead. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

22 Days Out

It's two days from being the 20 day mark. It makes me incredibly nervous. Not in a bad way just a: Is everything going to be remembered? way. I have this underlying fear that I'm going to forget my underwear or something.

This past Saturday I had my Bachelorette party and it was Awesome. It wasn't what I had ever envisioned, it wasn't very traditional, but I really enjoyed myself. And I have the cuts on my feet to prove it. New shoes don't make for great shoes...but then everyone already knows that.

We went out to a Bar that I host at for my Social job. There were 13 of us in total and we ate and carried on. The bar even gave us a complimentary bottle of Champagne. Then we left and walked to the Hudson River Park Pier to take a party boat around the Hudson. It had music and a bar and was so much fun.

Honestly all in all, with everything falling to bits and planning this thing in a little over a week, I really had a great time.

The fiancé's bachelor party is this Sunday. Originally I was worried and nervous about that but I've come to a point where I'm comfortable with it. I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me, so I know it will be okay. Him and the guys are going to Atlantic City and getting a room, having some strippers and hitting some bars after.

I can not believe how close my wedding is. All the years of life I wanted to become a wife, all the failed relationships and all the time the fiancé and I have been together. Its downright unreal. Moving into the house has been the greatest thing that's happened. When I do occasionally stay at my mom's its weird. We both wake up in a funk. We love being together. I look forward to the day with nervous anticipation. 22 Days out and I can't wait.

When there are 35 days until your wedding...

Well there are 35 days until our wedding and I still have things to do. I only got 3 little things for my bridal party, gift wise, I didn't get anything for my flower girls or ring bearers. We just booked the limo for the day of and just figured out where we are going for our formal pictures. I hadn't gotten my garter yet, though we aren't doing the garter toss because I know it will make me uncomfortable. But my mother in law to be got me one for my Bridal shower which upset my mom because she had been planning on getting it for me. So I told my mom to buy me one, that his mother won't know which one I wear...Knowing myself I'll probably where both.

My bridal shower was nice, if small. I'm a bit hurt...okay not a bit, very hurt that not many people came. But it was still a good time. My baby cousin came which took some of the attention off me which was nice because I was having some anxiety over it. And I got some nice presents and I was told I looked good even if I thought I looked fat. After my party though I was extremely tired I went to my old roommate's friends bachelorette party in the city and I'm so glad I did. It really was a great time.

My bachelorette party I recently found out is probably going to only be my bridal party and possibly 2 friends if they can seem to book a room. I found that out on the day the fiancé and I went to the venue to do final menu selection. We were in the car and my cousin text me about it. I immediately began crying. I definitely felt like the kid who had no one come to their birthday party. I've always known I don't have the closest girlfriends but it really hits you when it comes to occasions and instances like this. Automatically I felt the desire to cancel it all together out of sheer patheticness. My sister said we can still cancel but honestly I'm on the fence still. My cousin has the room booked already and I fell bad that my sister, his sister and my cousins have been going through all this trying to make it special for me and I don't want to hurt or offend them. But I don't know if my feelings are really even being considered. It is so not what I want for a Bachelorette party and I can guarantee that It wont be even close to what I want or enjoyable. I know I need to make a decision but one really isn't coming to me.

If I don't do it I know I'll regret it...but if I do it I know I won't really enjoy it...so there's that.

We finished both days of Pre-Cana so we just have to go back to the Deacon and give him all our paperwork.

I have mixed, cut and frozen 245 cookies already for the end of party favors. I just have to make and cut one final batch and then obviously bake and pack them.

We still have to get the photos to the DJ so he can put together the Video and I still want to put together the headbands for my girls for the theme photo I want to take.

All the papers are signed, all the loose ends tied up and as of this week I have officially become a first time Home Owner. We have officially bought his brother out and now we own the house outright.

I've been so pre occupied with the wedding and house stuff that I haven't had any time to worry or think about my upcoming 30th birthday. And between my new second job and my regular job, trips to the chiropractor, the occasional days/moments I get to workout and playing on a my bocce league it's left me with little time to do much of anything else besides sleep. Which I don't get much of anyway. And cry. Lately I've been crying a lot. And arguing with the fiancé. That's been happing a lot as well.

I'm not quite sure why. But the more we move towards the wedding the more frequent the fights get. We've already fought two days in a row this week...its possibly nerves, possibly stress, definitely exhaustion. We've been running pretty much non-stop. He has been working overtime and as many hours at his second job as he can get. I think we are both stretched a bit thin. I know I have piled on my plate probably more then I should but there is officially no going back now.

I'm just hoping that the days following get easier rather then harder...and that I can finally make up my mind about my bachelorette party...one way or the other...

When do I breathe?

So officially as of today there are 69 days until my wedding...and there is still so much to do. I spoke with the florist and they said they would do the teapot centerpieces so I have to find those. We still have yet to meet with the DJ. I have to make and cut the cookies for favors. I still haven't made the headbands I wanted for the girls for the theme photo. And this week has been insane.

I started a new job which in the past few weeks has taken up a bit of my time. I will be working with this job twice a week so we can have a bit more income coming in. So this week beside working Monday-Friday my day job, Wednesday and Friday I worked the second job. To add to that I have been working on a cake for my friends baby shower.

What was supposed to be a simple quick small cake turned into a slightly bigger project when one of my friends who is putting together the party for our pregnant friend asked me to make the cake bigger. And then to add insult to injury as I type this, when I should be working on a cake, I am at work. Now granted I did offer to work. OT pay is nice for one but more then that the co-worker who asked for coverage is one who never asks for anything and always covers everyone else. So really I wouldn't say no at all.

Anyway I don't think it needs to be said that I am fairly exhausted. However I do absolutely love my new job. My only slight issue is that I haven't had any time at all to workout and I have been drinking and eating with no real regard for what I'm putting in my body.

Which honestly wouldn't be a huge issue normally except I have already had my second dress fitting and need to make sure I maintain my weight enough to fit in my dress perfectly without it being to tight or too loose which in and of itself gives me anxiety.

Oh and icing on the cake? My sister, the maid of honor, her dress doesn't fit. I won't even go into that because it was a whole thing and I'm trying not to hold on to negativity right now. But that was a fun thing to find out and try to deal with.

I ordered some dresses for my bachelorette party and bridal shower which two cousins dropped the ball and told me when my shower was...that was a hiccup emotional moment I had to get through but its okay.

And my calendar is just full to the brim with so many events and things to do. The 15th of May we will be going to the venue to finalize the food for the night and then the wedding will be right around the corner. As will my 30th birthday.

These past two years have had so many ups and downs and surprises. Its been an emotional ride, but I cant wait to be 30 and married and beginning the rest of my life with my best friend in the whole wide world. It's going to be an Adventure!

Things are moving along quite nicely.

So bridesmaids dresses have been purchased. Flowers have been purchased. Guest book has been created and purchased. Invites have been sent. And we have 99 days to go!!

I finally settled and ordered dresses for the flower girls even though that was quite a situation. I ended up getting into arguments with their mother on more then one occasion and as heart breaking as it is for me to admit, I think due to this, our relationship has been forever affected in a negative manner. But since what is done is done and I don't want to wade in it any longer I am happy to say they came in the mail the other day and they are beautiful.

We are getting RSVP's in the mail and its the most exciting thing. I figured out time line with the photographer for the most part. So now I just have to notify my make-up artist and hair stylist. My bridal shower will be happening soon and I have to figure out what and when I want to do my bachelorette party.

I've decided to make cookies as favors so I have to start that the moment the cutter comes in. And I want to make headbands for the theme photo so I have to get on that as well.

I feel as though I have all the time in the world and absolutely no time at all.

Aside from wedding business the fiancé and I are in the process of buying his brother out of his share of the house and re-mortgaging it under ourselves.

No one tells you when you get engaged what the year or so up to the wedding is going to look like. They discuss possible fights between you and your love but then don't touch upon everything else.

Like the strike of realization that everything in your life is going to change, and drastically. You will be gaining a new name which you have to legally change. You will be moving (either in with him or to your own place). You will suddenly realize just how much crap you own and wonder how the hell you will get it to fit in your new place. You will wonder if you can even be a good wife or mother. And you may very well have a panic attack or break down or two or three when it all weighs down on you. When that happens all you can do is take a breath. It's perfectly normal and okay. As long as there is never a doubt in your mind that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, you will manage and survive.

You will be okay. Take it one day at a time. One step forward, one moment following the next. Be excited, don't like all the crazy, the fear, the nerves or the people bring you down.

99 Days To Go. Hope it all goes well.

Getting Married is a whirlwind...

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows like you’ve been made to believe. It is hard work. It is decision after decision and stress. It’s working more days and hours to make sure you have the money to afford it. Its nights of feeling just exhausted from it all. The fiancé and I both agree that though we will enjoy the actual day we cannot wait for it all to be over.  The planning, the decisions, the extra hours. Things have been moving along alright. We have officially booked our Photographer and videographer. We are in decision with the DJ. We have paid the second installment on the venue and we even went to a bridal show…though it was on a severe lack of sleep.

I have decided on the bridesmaids dresses which we are going for a fitting for on the 19^th. I have picked and booked the Makeup and Hair. We blocked the rooms at the hotel along with setting up an after party at the Hotel as well. I’ve ordered the invites and a stamp with our return address for the invites.

So we are moving along quite nicely. However I can honestly say planning to get married is the most stressful thing. Not the payments, not preparing to share my life with the fiancé, not even the fact that it’s in approximately 5 months. What’s stressful is everyone else. Its coordinating days off with appointments needed. It’s everyone expecting specific times and dates from you. Its people asking for things before you even have them. Its people constantly asking you questions. Its people constantly having opinions they want to force down your throat about what you are, should or shouldn’t be doing.

I have gone far lengths to try and ensure my bridal party doesn’t pay too much for services the day of the wedding. Unfortunately when you connect wedding to anything the price skyrockets. So of course I was stressing myself out to the point of crying worrying about what they would have to pay. And as it is one of my girls felt it was too much to spend but instead of telling me outright I had to hear through someone else that she was not going to go with the services. Which honestly I totally understand and don’t mind, except for the fact that though I sent her multiple texts she never reached out to tell me herself. Then on top of that my flower girl’s mother is driving me slightly batty. I was driving myself crazy trying to save her money in any way possible due to the fact that the girls are flower girls from my cousins wedding this same year, as well as the little one is having her communion. I figured, two birds one stone, her mother could just use her dress twice with a sash I would purchase from the same company that my bridesmaids will be purchasing their dresses. However no matter how many times I have said that she won’t tell me yes or no.

Honestly stress wise I haven’t been too terribly bad but every time she texts me I get super stressed. And I understand for her maybe it is a constant thought but quite frankly, considering my bridesmaids don’t even have their dresses yet, and invites haven’t even been sent yet, what the girls are going to be wearing is the least of my worries. Not to mention the fact that these girls grow, and they grow quick. So I know that buying them a dress too early would not work so I just don’t have it in me to worry about it at this moment. So I sent their mother the link to the place where I am getting the bridesmaids dresses. I hadn’t originally wanted too because it’s costly but due to the fact that she seems intent on knowing something now I figured she could look at them online and if she liked them then that is what they will be getting.

Anyway the closer it gets to the wedding the happier I am about getting married to my best friend but also the more stressful things seem to get. And on top of it we are both trying to study for exams to further or careers, as well as my birthday is steadily approaching. Two years ago I started this journey to 30 and it’s going to soon be upon me.

So many life changes within two years and so many to come. Honestly I cannot wait.